


shit, lets do college

by kristyn



Series: transstuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Collegestuck, F/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, trans!Dave
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 10:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2688728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristyn/pseuds/kristyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liz Strider enters college with a pang in her chest and eyes for her roommate, Jade</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. move in

Your name is Jade Harley and boy are you excited for college!!! In about two weeks, you will be off on your own adventure to learn about yourself, and also engineering. You’ve spent the past few days gathering your things, making the occasional shopping trip. You have no idea what you’ll need, and Grandpa isn’t very helpful, since he never went to college. He instead offers winks, double pistols, and a beer when you need it.

Bec stands by the doorway of whatever room you’re in, sometimes pacing back and forth across it. Grandpa says he’s nervous. Being the near-omniscient canine he is, he can sense that which normal dogs can only vaguely perceive; that is, the space-time continuum. Bec knows you’re leaving.

After closing up another bin and stretching your back, you glance over at the door and smile at your faithful companion.

“Come on boy, come’ere!” You pat your thighs and he’s there in a flash of green electricity, placing his head gently down atop your lap.

“Thank you for being such an awesome dog! Who’s a good dog?”

His tail flops at a quicker pace, but he otherwise ignores your doting. Such is Bec’s nature; his dignity is very important to him. You can respect that, you guess. He really is a strange dog. You try not to question the questionable things about him, because this is an AU and it doesn't really make sense for him to be as ambiguously ominous and semi-omniscient as he is.

Grandpa walks in just then, laughing at the spectacle. Bec raises his head in his master’s direction.

“Is Bec gonna miss his favorite gal?”

“Of course! Poor guy, he’ll be all alone with you, haha.”

“Watch the tongue!” But he’s smiling with you.

You lie back on your bed. “Gosh, it’s all starting to feel like it’s really happening!”

“Say, have you checked that snazzy website for your roommate assignment lately?”

You sit up. “Not lately, no.”

“Why don’t you do that? See the young lady who will be sharing all kinds of good times with my granddaughter.”’

“Haha, well at least I hope we get along!”

You stand, grabbing your laptop from your desk.

“So is it there?”

“Hang on, Grandpa, it’s booting up!”

As your computer sputters back to life, your pesterlogs blink. It seems both Rose and John were trying to speak with you. You put them on hold for a moment as you click on the pixelated Echidna icon.

Your school account is still open and clicked into your student portal. You refresh and—

“Hey, it’s here!”

“Whaddya know! Gadzooks, can I see the future or what?”

You laugh. He speaks like he’s some old timer when he’s really only 46. In fact, he’s not even your grandfather. He’s your father. Adopted father, but father all the same. He’d decided on a more grandpaternal approach to raising you, which you’ve questioned before, but not particularly thought too hard about. No matter who or what he is, you love him.

You focus your attention on the list before you.

 

ROOM: 203

RESIDENTS: Jade Harley, Elizabeth Strider

 

“I wonder if she goes by any nicknames,” you wonder aloud.

“You and ol’ Lizzy are sure to be great chums in no time! I’ve never met a soul who didn’t think you the bees’ knees!”

“Haha, thanks, Grandpa. I just hope we have something in common. Oh, and that she doesn’t do any hardcore drugs. That might turn into a problem. But as long as she is civilized enough, I don’t see why we can’t be friends!”

“That’s the spirit! Now how about that room number? Sound okay to you?”

“203? Hm, sure! I don’t see why it would be anything other than alright.”

“Huh, well. Wonder about those other girls in the, the dormitory! Think you’ll like them as well?”

You glance at him but he’s looking off past you.

“Um, I hope? I don’t even know their names.”

“So, uh, that common area, think that—”

“Grandpa, you don’t have to try so hard.”

“What on earth are you insinuating?”

You chuckle softly. “Grandpa, I really appreciate that you’re trying to relate. But you don’t have to try so hard! Just support me. I know you didn’t go to college. That doesn’t stop me from respecting everything you have to say!”

He pulls you into a hug. “I knew I raised you well. I just worry, you see? I worry I haven’t been helpful for you on your adventure.”

“You’ve been more than helpful! You’re my family, you’re always helpful. If it’s any consolation to you, I’ve never been to college either!”

He laughs at that. “Well then, we’ll both have to experience it together then, won’t we?”

“Absolutely!”

 

As the days draw nearer, you find yourself with little else to do. You spent the past two days wandering around the entire house, making sure you didn't forget anything.

Grandpa returns from an expedition later to find you digging through the hall closet.

“Jade, my word, what are you doing?”

“I think I bought the wrong kind of sheets!”

He joins you, gazing into the dank cranny.

“Jade, we’ve never kept sheets in this closet!”

“What?! Are you sure?”

"Positive!"

Before you can go on, and possibly fly into a crazed panic, Grandpa takes your shoulders and guides you into the living room. He seats you on the couch.

“Why don’t you take a break? If you truly think you’ve neglected to pack something, maybe you could consult with your new compadre!”

He hands you your laptop from the coffee table and you raise an eyebrow.

“You mean my roommate, Elizabeth?”

“Sure thing! Who knows? Maybe the lass has a friend or two, or perhaps a sibling, who knows the ins and outs of your plight.”

You smile. “Thanks. I’ll do that.”

He leaves you in peace as you open your computer. After a quick conversation with your brother, you open up your Facebook account and type your roommate’s name into the search bar. You peruse through the results, and after a bit of mild stalking, you decide that the 18-year-old film student, Liz Strider, is the one you’re looking for.

You send her a friend request. Moments later she accepts. It surprises you for a moment, until you remember that most teens are constantly glued to their screens, unlike you.

A notification blips from your messages. It’s her.

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=2pyor3k)

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=2hnukw7)

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=j5fjah)

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=2ywv5hd)

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=2806vth)

You continue in this vein for about another fifteen minutes, discussing fears and hopes and other predictable pre-college conversation. She ends up telling you she’s bringing her TV and PS3, which you’re fine with. You ask if it’s alright to bring some plants, and she’s cool with it. You close your laptop later, feeling satisfied.

You admit you were not without trepidation with regards to the roommate situation. What you said was true; you’ve never had to share a room before. You have some… unusual sleeping habits, and the prospect of sharing a room at night with a complete stranger made you nervous.

But now you’re not strangers! In fact, you daresay that now you two are closely toeing the line of possible friendship, if not mild acquaintance. This puts your mind at ease.

You spend the rest of the week lazing around, playing fetch with Bec, and casually going over the travel details. Plane ticket, bus ticket. Directions to bus station. Directions from bus station to college. You mentally go over the steps, but definitely not in an obsessed way. More like a prepared way. You think.

Your stuff leaves before you, leaving you with your carryon.

It’s just you and Grandpa at the terminal, before your flight.

“Thanks, Grandpa. For everything.”

You bring him into a hug. He pulls away, wiping at his eyes. “Doggone, Jade, you’re about to make me weep in public!”

“It’s an airport, I’m sure people are used to that sort of occurrence.” Tears are starting to form in your eyes too.

He chuckles and hugs you again. “You’d better get in line.”

You nod and readjust your backpack. “Make sure you check your email!”

He shakes his head. “You’re lucky I love you or else I’d never bother with any of that!”

“I’m gonna email you every day! You’ll get used to it!”

The line starts to move and you see him back up and sit down. Beyond the entrance to the plane, past the closed off area and the food court is a long stretch of people movers and benches and floor length windows. You suspect the moment you step onto the plane he’ll rush to the window to see you off.

After handing over your ticket you enter the loading area. Before you know it, you’re on the plane.

You clutch your phone and bus ticket in your pocket.

_Next stop: college. Shit._

You hope against hope you’re ready.

 

-

 

“Shit, this room’s small.”

You sigh. “Yeah, whatever. Better than a state school.”

“You’d think with the fuckin’ cash we threw at them they’d give you a bigger damn room, god.”

You drag your shit across the threshold. “Whatever, it’s not like we can’t afford it. Quit bitchin’, I got a lotta shit still.”

“Why the fuck do they alarm the front door, that’s goddamn silly.”

“You think I know? Just come in, oh my god.”

Your bro is still standing in the doorway, your laundry slung over his shoulder. A couple girls from down the hall are giggling and staring.

He steps inside obediently and you slam the door. “ _God._ ”

“You’re pretty high strung at the moment, dude.”

“Shut up.”

“You nervous?”

You consider snapping at him again, but instead you slink down on the standard wooden desk chair. He drops your clothes beside his feet and makes himself comfortable on the other desk chair across the room.

“Takin’ that as a yes. Spill.”

“Spill what? Hop off.”

“You got issue with somethin’?”

“If I say yes will you leave me alone?”

“Maybe, dunno.”

You bring your legs up and drop your forehead on your knees, your long blond hair falling over your calves.

“I don’t even know, Dirk. I don't think I’ve ever even been nervous about anything. Wow, that sounded so gay.”

“Well, you know me. King of gay.”

You laugh, short and loud, lifting your head to meet his gaze. “Right. Uhh, I guess I’m just incredibly predictably scared to death at the thought of livin’ alone an’ shit. And actually giving a fuck about school. And waking my own ass up. Though that might be nice, not having to worry about waking up to a sword in my face, thanks very much.”

“See, I’ve prepared you after all!”

“Aw, shut it.”

He stands. “Well you ain’t gonna be alone, tha’s for sure. You got your roommate.”

“Ok, well I know nothing about the girl.”

“You a fuckin’ idiot? It’s called get to know her, sheesh. Let’s get the rest o’ your shit already.”

He leaves you there, and after a moment you follow him.

It doesn’t take as long as you thought to unload your crap. You have two bins and a travel bag with all your bedclothes. After making the bed closest to the door, Bro throws your clothes in the adjacent generic wooden dresser while you fill the desk drawers with your books and school stuff. You hang up your jackets and sweatshirts in the closet and throw your shower stuff on a shelf.

“Well that went smoothly,” you comment as you and he survey your handiwork.

“Wow, looks like you’re startin’ to get a hang of it all, little lady.”

You grimace. “Don’t call me that.”

“Right, sorry.”

You open up the orientation itinerary. “Looks like there’s some kinda lunch thing at 1, then we all go to the main lawn for a speech from the president. Uhh, but I don’t think you necessarily have to be there for it. You can leave now if you want.”

“You kiddin’ me, miss out on free food? Not a chance, sis.”

You grimace again. “I’m gonna see when Jade’s gonna be here.”

You pull out your phone and begin to compose a text.

“Ya’ll are already on phone number basis?” He pokes at you jokingly.

“Um yeah??” You shove him away, sending the message. “We’re roommates?? God, shut up, I don’t need this.”

“Jeez, you PMSing?”

“Holy fuck, just leave.”

“I told you, I’m gettin’ that free food.”

Your phone buzzes.

“ _h_ _i liz! my bus should be there at 1!”_

_“sweet. thats when theyre doin the lunch thing, but its chill if ur late, i think. also hope u dont mind that i took the liberty of picking which beds mine and which ones urs”_

_“Its alright! you got there first.”_

“God, she’s so formal.”

You jump, not noticing Dirk behind you, reading your texts over your shoulder.

“Not everyone’s an uneducated trash heap like us, y’know.”

“Bet you’re gonna come outta this place with formality shinin’ out your asshole.”

“Damn right.”

He helps you tack up some posters and set up the TV for a bit, and then 12:50 rolls around. You meander down to the huge white canvas tent set up on Whiting Lawn, the campus map glued to your aviators.

“There are signs like every two feet, dude.”

“Well, sorry for tryin’ to learn the area I’m gonna be livin’ in the next four years.”

“You’re neurotic.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Wonder if your girlfriend’s gonna be here.”

“If you’re talking about Jade, her bus gets in right about now. She’ll probably be late.”

You sit down at a white picnic table in the very back, Bro sitting across from you.

He cranes his neck in search of the food. “Dammit. She might end up bein’ right on time. It’s 1:01, where’s my goddamn lunch.”

“Chill. It’ll be here soon.”

“Do you even know what she looks like?”

"No, I don’t. All her profile pictures since 2009 are just pictures of her dog.”

“So you facebook stalked her, huh.”

You feel your face get hotter. “Shut up, you would too. I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t a loony or anything.”

“Right, and 5 years of dog pictures on an internet profile is not conducive of that.”

“She’s just a girl who loves her dog. Ain’t nothin’ crazy about that. Food’s here.”

He’s up and over to the food table in two seconds flat.

Your phone buzzes.

“ _h_ _i liz, my bus just got here! im gonna drop my stuff off first then ill head over to whiting lawn, ok? Its just past the student life center, right?”_

_“yeah not too far from our dorm”_

_“great! see you in a few!”_

Your heart lurches. Okay, yeah, fine, you admit, you’re a bit nervous about meeting her. It’s so stupid, but you’ve had this… small fantasy… god that sounds so dumb… but you’ve basically held onto this hope that you would really hit it off with your roommate and maybe you’d start dating or something dumb like that. God, you’re desperate. You don't even know what she looks like.

You twiddle your goddamn thumbs for another ten minutes, during which Bro returns and stuffs his face.

“You hungry?”

“Not really.”

“Eat somethin’.”

“No.”

“You’re missin’ out on all this average glory.”

In truth, you know in the three minutes you’ll be up, Jade will get here and you do NOT want her first Strider experience to be your joke of a brother.

Sure enough, your phone buzzes.

“ _i_ _m here! wave or something.”_

Your heart lurches again, stronger than before. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit shit shit fuck.

You stand, probably too fast, and wave in what you hope is a cool fashion. There’s a small throng of people heading this way, and you can’t fucking tell which one of them is her.

A tall girl with long black hair runs your way, waving vigorously. Oh man, that can’t not be her.

“Um, hey,” you say.

She reaches the table and pulls you into a hug. Your eyes widen, and you’re 99% sure Bro sees. He pretends to be very interested in his chicken leg.

She finally releases you, holding you by the shoulder.

“Haha, wow, you’re short!”

“I’ll have you know I am the national average height of women age 18, thank you very much. You’re just tall.”

“Yeah, I guess so! Anyway.” She lets you go, and does a weird sort of salute. “My name is Jade Harley! I’m your roommate.”

“Uh, I already know that, you dork.” Oh, shit, what if she doesn’t get that’s a joke, oh no, you’re not actually calling her a dork oh god what have you done she’s probably really hurt and offend—

“I know, I know, but we’re meeting in person! It’s gotta be official!”

“Oh, ok. Well, uh, my name is Elizabeth Strider and I’m your roommate.”

You shake hands.

“Food’s out,” you say, “wanna get some?”

“Sure!”

“Oh, by the way, that’s my brother, Dirk. Mother, father, guardian, annoying prick, all in one.”

“Hola.”

“Hiya!”

You grab her wrist and pull her lunchwards before Bro has a chance to say anything embarrassing.

You get on opposite sides of the table to serve yourselves, and as she leans over the breadbasket, you spoon some beans on your plate and get a good look at her.

Her skin is dark and her hair seems impossibly thick and long. You wonder how a person can even deal with that much hair. Fuck.

Her glasses magnify her green eyes, and her long white skirt is dirty. She definitely seems like a dog person. You think she’s Mexican but you’re not sure.

You get to the silverware and grab a knife and fork before heading back to the table.

You barely sit down before Bro speaks.

“So Jade, what’s your major?”

“Engineering, but I’m working to get a business double major or minor. I want to head my own engineering firm!”

“Wow, that’s. Ambitious,” you say.

“I’ve wanted it for a while. I love engineering.”

“Oh, really?” says Bro. He looks about twice as interested as before. “What field?”

“Specifically mechatronics, but I’ve dabbled in nuclear engineering, which I might specialize in.”

“No shit! I interned at a mechatronics firm back in college. I majored in industrial engineering.”

“Really! Manufacturing or construction?”

It’s at this point that you entirely zone out of the conversation. You actually can’t believe the girl you’re gonna live with is gonna be just like your shit brother. If she stays up tinkering with robots at 2 am, you might just move to an apartment instead.

You sigh. It’s cool, in theory you guess, that a girl like her is so interested in a male-dominant field… but in reality she’s probably gonna be this huge stick in the mud and basically the worst kind of roommate.

You can’t believe you held onto that stupid desperate delusion for so damn long. You need to fuckin’ wake up and smell the coffee. Damn wife’s been slaving over that coffee since 6 am, because you got the morning shift and she’s a damn loyal spouse. Little dim upstairs though, and the new coffee maker is giving her a hard time. She gets it running though, and hell, do you smell that shit.

You sorta forgot where you were heading with this.

Bro and Jade are looking at you expectantly.

“Sorry, did you ask me something?” you ask, trying to sound remotely interested.

“I asked what your major is!” Jade says.

“Oh. I’m a film major.”

“Oh. Cool!”

“Um. Yeah, I guess.”

She waits for you to say more but you don’t.

“So you want to make movies?” she asks after a moment.

“Yeah.”

“That’s neat!”

“Yeah.”

“Not a lot of women are in that field!”

You feel a pang in your chest but you ignore it. “You’re one to talk, Miss Engineer.”

“Oh stop, movie making is so much cooler!”

“If y’all are done flirting, I think I’m gonna split now,” Bro says. You stand up, glaring at him but not saying anything.

“It was nice to meet you!” Jade says, waving.

“You too, dude.” He gestures at you. “She’s got me on facebook, if you wanna hit me up with any questions, don’t even hesitate, a’ight?”

She nods. “Thanks, Dirk!”

He winks, but you bet she can’t tell through his dumbass anime shades.

“Alright, sis,” he says, facing you. “Lemme know if the prez says anything important, I’m gonna try an’ beat the bullshit traffic of sobbing parents.”

“Will do. Drive safe and all that.”

He leans down and hugs you. “Do good and be you, a’ight?”

You barely register his sentiments before he’s off and striding away.

 _Be you_.

Something about that stirs something in your chest.

“Liz?”

“Huh?”

“You okay?”

“Uh. Yeah.”

“Wanna head over to the main lawn?”

“Sure.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer that i'm an afab agender trans person, so i dont personally know many of the things ill end up describing. feel free to let me know if im way off base with anything.
> 
> general trigger warning later for dysphoria, misgendering, transphobia, etc. 
> 
> ratings may change later. ive never done multichapter before, so we'll see how this goes. let me know what you'd like to see in future chapters!
> 
> in other news i am So Bad at jake dialogue, my sincerest apologies


	2. orientation

You and Jade sit under a maple tree in the very back of the huge crowd waiting for the president to speak. You pick at grass in front of you while she looks around.

“I sort of wish my grandpa could have been here to see everything. But that would have been a waste of money.”

“So what’s your story?” you ask.

“Huh?”

“Your grandpa, he’s your legal guardian?”

“Yup! My parents were really young when my brother and I were born, so they gave us up for adoption. My grandpa is technically my adoptive father. He’s only 46, actually, haha. He just wanted to be a grandpa I guess.”

“That’s a little weird.”

She shrugs.

“What about your brother, though? Does he live with you?” you ask.

“Nope, he lives in Washington. We still have never met in person, though we should have when we turned 18. Stuff got in the way, I guess.”

“What about you, then?” she asks after a moment. The president has just arrived, and she and another woman are figuring out the podium mic.

“What about me?”

“How’d you end up with your brother?”

“Parents died. ‘Bout as simple a story as it can get, I guess.”

“Oh, gosh, that’s horrible! How did they die? Oh shit, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

You shake your head. “Nah, it’s fine. They slid on ice. Crashed. Dad died on impact, Mom was in a coma for a bit. They had to do an emergency cesarean, two months early.”

“Oh, wow, you were in the womb?”

“Yeah. Bro was just about to leave for California. He’d just graduated college. But he stayed to raise me.” You laugh bitterly. “Asshole never lets me forget I ruined his life.”

“I’m sure you didn’t ruin his life!”

You laugh again, but fall silent. You feel weird; this is the most you’ve ever spoken to anyone about your personal life. The president is speaking but you’re not listening.

“Anyway, where do you even live?” you ask, in an attempt to change the subject.

“Hawaii! Though I was born in Nicaragua, and I lived there until I was eight.”

“Nicaraguan, huh? That’s pretty cool.”

“Yup! My mom is half Mexican though, and my Dad’s Indian.”

“You’re pretty diverse. That’s awesome.”

“Thanks!”

She’s really very pretty, and you almost tell her this, but fuck, that would be too weird. You just met.

“What about you? Where are you from?”

“Houston. Nothin’ special at all.”

“Houston, Texas?”

“Yeah.”

She looks excited. “I’ve always wanted to visit Texas!”

“You serious?”

“Well, I want to visit the entire Unites States. I’ve only been here and North Carolina.”

“What’s in North Carolina?”

“Hm?”

“Like, why’d you visit? Family?”

“Sorta. It’s where my biological dad lives. In the Outer Banks, with his new wife and kids.”

A breeze picks up. “Sorta family, then?”

“Yeah. It’s just a little weird. His wife doesn’t like me.”

“No kiddin’, huh. I bet I wouldn’t either.”

“Yeah, like, I understand why. And their kids are five and six, so it’s all just a weird situation. I dunno.”

She looks away. You wonder if she’s worried she’s said too much. You want to reassure her, but how the fuck.

“Y’know,” you start. She looks over at you, her hair billowing out around the tree trunk. “I’m glad you’re not, like, a serial killer.”

She laughs. “Same here.”

A group of older students in blue shirts are up at the podium now, and a girl with short blond hair and white glasses, who you guess is the head of the group, speaks into the microphone.

“We’re gonna let you say goodbye to your parents now, and then we’ll split you up into groups based on your dorms! Each group is gonna have your RAs with you, and we’ll do some fun ice breakers and answer any questions you might have. I’ll read off the list in a minute or so!”

You and Jade share an annoyed glance.

“I hate ice breakers,” she says.

“Oh my god, me too.”

“I’m so glad we’re on the same page.”

“Same.”

You both stand up, brushing off dirt and grass from your jeans and waiting for the list to be read while kids around you get smothered and cried on.

“Everyone ready?”

She reads the list, and you listen for Skaia Hall.

“And finally, last but not least, Skaia Hall with myself, Cronus, and Meenah!”

She points off to a waving girl and boy by a lamppost. You and Jade trudge up the lawn past crying parents.

“Alright,” says the girl from the podium when more kids in your dorm join you. Some have red eyes from crying. _Give me a break._ “My name’s Aranea!”

“I’m Meenah,” says the tall girl with black waist length braids.

“And _I_ am Cronus,” says the boy. You involuntarily cringe at the wink he gives you. God, you hope that wasn’t to you specifically.

“Let’s head off this way, ‘round the library, so we can get out of the way, ‘k?”

They turn around and lead you and your peers down a brick path, under a brick archway connecting the library with another building adjacent to the main lawn. When you pass the archway, Jade cranes her neck up. You look up too, and see the name of the college plastered in huge white letters.

“Wow. We’re in college,” she says in awe. You almost laugh at her, but you notice how earnest she’s being.

“Yeah. Fuckin’ cool.”

 

-

 

You don’t even know how to explain it, but suddenly everything becomes a million times more real the moment you see the sign. You’re scared, but Liz confirms the other prevalent sentiment in mind. It truly is _fucking cool_.

Your RAs lead the group of about 60 of you down some stairs and into the basement of the student life center. There’s a large sort of meeting hall, wherein you all find a seat around the perimeter of the room.

They explain the job of the Resident Assistants. It’s their job to help first years adjust. They live in the dorms with you and hold events and meetings with everyone.

“It is our job to oversee the safety of the residents, which means we unfortunately have to be the bad guys every now and then, if we see anything illegal or otherwise unethical,” Aranea explains.

“So don’t go cookin’ meth in your rooms, or we gotta report that shit,” Meenah says, which gets a laugh. Aranea glares at her.

“Anyway,” Aranea says, “Time for icebreakers!”

You and Liz exchange another look. Groan.

You play that one game where someone in the middle says a fact about themselves, and if that applies to you, you run into the middle and have to find a new seat. The last one standing has to be in the middle in the next round.

The first round, a cute girl with round glasses and long curly hair ends up in the middle.

“What do I have to say again?” she asks the RAs.

“Name, hometown, and fact about yourself.”

“Ok! Wellllll, I’m Feferi! I’m from Florida! And I love to swim?”

She looks over to the girls, presumably to see if that was an okay thing to say.

“Yeah!” Aranea says. “If you love to swim, get up and find a new seat.”

You stand up, but quickly get confused at everyone running around. You turn to Liz, still seated.

“Come on, you don’t like swimming?!”

“Not a chance.”

You run away, trying to find a new seat. Meenah helps you out by pointing to one of two remaining seats. You beat the last kid by a second. He glares at you.

“Alright! Fine! I’m in the middle! I don’t fucking care!” he shouts. Everyone in the room quiets.

The girl next to you rubs her eyes. “Karkat, please, just play the game.”

He huffs over to the middle, and you roll your eyes. Asshole.

“I’m Karkat, from Houston, Texas, I like to watch movies.”

You’re not big on movies, so you stay seated. You glance at Liz, who stands up and casually walks over to another seat, hands in her pockets. You wonder if maybe she’s seen that crabby kid around at home. Probably not. Houston’s probably big, right?

He ends up in the center again. Some laugh at him.

“Yeah, laugh! I bet you’re all real fucking amused, right?!”

Aranea frowns, standing up. She looks like she’s about to speak, but Meenah talks over her.

“Look, shouty, just do the codclam thing and stop bein’ a fuckin’ wet blanket.”

He glares, but concedes, saying he likes dogs. You immediately stand up; you love dogs!!

You’re too slow though, and for your fact you tell all that you can put your feet behind your head. This interests everybody, and before you know it, you’re giving a demonstration for everyone.

The game goes on for just a few more minutes, and then Aranea, Meenah, and Cronus move on to the question portion.

Meenah hands out slips of paper and Cronus passes around a bucket of pencils while Aranea tells you all what to do.

“You’re all going to write down a question you might have, then crumple up the paper and throw it in the middle of the room. The three of us will randomly pick up the papers and answer them all aloud! This is so you all can ask any sort of confidential question you may not want others to know you asked. Make sense? Alright! Get started!”

Hmm. You’re not sure that you have any pressing questions that need answering. You end up writing, “What are the library hours?” like a loser.

You crumple up your slip of paper and throw it in the center, along with a few other ones.

You look around the circle for Liz, and find her almost completely on the other side of the room. She’s very intent on her paper.

A few minutes later everyone’s done and Meenah plucks a paper from the floor after Cronus and Aranea mix them all up.

“’Is smoking allowed on campus?’” she reads.

Cronus laughs. “Hell yeah it is, but you can’t do it closer than 25 feet away from a building. And don’t do it near the vents, makes the bathrooms smell nasty.”

“Make sure you use the outdoor ashtrays whenever possible! Try not to litter your butts.”

Cronus is next. “’What is transportation like?’”

“Buses every 15 on the hour bring ya to our other campus and the off campus housing. Also a bus runs down College Street, where all yer shoppin’ shit is. That brings you up to the neighborin’ schools too.”

“’What time does the library close?’”

Shit, someone asked that too.

“Midnight every night except Fridays and Saturdays, when it closes at ten!”

“’What is the shopping scene like?’”

“Aw shit, it’s fuckin’ dope, is what it is. Real cute secondhand clothes for real cheap, and there’s a couple department stores if you feelin’ expensive. All on College Street.”

“’What’s the policy on pets?’”

“Shit like lizards and fish are fine. Aranea, what’s the official list?”

“Lizards, fish, spiders, and frogs, but nothing poisonous and all must be approved by housing. Housing is located in Skiff Hall, down the street from the student life center, which we’re currently in. Cats and dogs not allowed, sorry.”

About five more questions are asked, and some are read silently by the RAs and put in pockets. You assume those are repeats.

Meenah picks up one of the remaining papers.

“’What is the LGBT community like on campus? What is the social acceptance of trans students like?’”

Meenah glances at her co-workers.

“Um,” Aranea starts.

“Isn’t there like a group or somefin?” Meenah asks.

“I believe there is a sort of group for gay students. I’m sorry to whoever asked that, but I don’t believe there is any sort of group for transgendered… people. Maybe just join the gay group and ask them for recommendations? I’m sorry we don’t have more to tell you.”

You look around the room, wondering who asked that. You’ve never met a trans person before! You wonder if they’d look different than normal or if it’s impossible to tell.

Soon, all the questions are asked. Cronus announces the boat ride across the lake later tonight, and lets you all go for the afternoon. You bounce over to Liz.

“Wow, that all went pretty quick! We still have another day of orientation, I wonder what else we’ll do?”

“Dunno. Don’t care.”

She stands up, pushing her desk a little forcefully.

“Hm. Well, I’ve still got to unpack. I sort of threw my stuff in then went right to the luncheon. What are you gonna do until the boat ride?”

She shrugs. “Chill out.”

“Cool! Let’s go.”

 

-

 

God, you can’t believe you asked that.

_It was anonymous. You’re in the clear._

The second you start acting weird everyone’s gonna make the connection.

_Shut up shut up shut up_

God, you’re fucked up.

You’re curled up on your bed, looking at the wall and listening to music at full volume while Jade unpacks.

You need to test her. You need to know how accepting she is.

Your palms sweat. You gotta ask. Maybe not… that. But something. You have to know. If she’s not accepting you have to get out now. Before it’s too late.

You’re about to steel yourself when you feel a finger poking your shoulder. You turn around.

“Could you help me tack up this poster?”

“Y-yeah, sure.”

You both stand up on her bed while she picks up the poster and lines it up.

“Squiddles? Seriously?”

“Hey, be quiet! No judgment!”

Your heart surges. She instructs you where to hold it as she tacks it up.

“Is this even allowed?” you ask, referring to the putting of holes in the wall.

“Yeah! Nothing larger than a dime! Tacks are fine! Don’t you remember? It was one of the questions someone asked.”

“Guess I wasn’t really listening.”

“Were you listening for the trans question?”

Shit shit shit shit FUCK FUCK FU CK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUC KFYC K—

“Uh, yeah. I was. What’s your take on all that?”

“You mean trans people?”

“Um. Yeah, I suppose.”

“Well, I’ve never met one before! Or, at least I don’t think I have! But I don’t see any reason not to be nice to them! I’ve definitely had my share of prejudice against me.” She puts the last tack in and looks sheepishly at you. “I’d be sort of a hypocrite if I passed judgment on someone before getting to know them, right?”

You smile. You can’t help it. You look away before it gets weird.

“That’s great to know. I just thought I should tell you, before I chicken out. I like girls.”

You can only see her reaction in your peripherals.

“So you’re a lesbian?”

“Sure, if you wanna call it that.”

“Neat! I like guys. Haha. But I guess I wouldn’t mind being with a girl! I dunno, I’ve never really thought about sexuality before too hard. Heh.”

You laugh. “It’s not really somethin’ I think too hard about, personally. I’m just like, damn I love girls. So I do. Yeah.”

“Well, that’s cool! I love college, it’s expanding my horizons so much already! I don’t even think I’ve ever met a gay person before, either.”

_I’m not gay._

“College has yet to impress me, to be honest,” you mumble.

“I’m sure you’ll warm up to it soon. It’s only the first day!”

“True.”

She jumps off the bed, landing on the carpet with a thud. “Now! If you’re not planning on doing anything until the cruise…”

She spins around and opens a drawer in her desk, procuring a DVD with brightly colored octopi swimming around pink and orange bubbly words spelling—

“Oh, _fuck no_.”

“Oh, fuck YES!”

 

Jade initially elects to hang around you during the cruise, but when it’s clear you’re not going to do much more than sit in one spot and drink orange soda, she asks if it’s alright to walk around and socialize.

You don’t feel like talking to anyone. You’re content being alone at the stern of the ship. Or whatever the fuck the back of the second floor is called. This is where people go for fresh air, but for the most part everyone’s much more interested in dancing and playing card games in the gambling room below you.

You text Bro, telling him about the cruise and how deathly boring it is.

“ _You know, it wouldn’t be boring if you actually engaged in all that fun-sounding shit.”_

_“i dont think gambling sounds fun”_

_“It’s not actual gambling, idiot.”_

_“whatever i dont care about card games”_

_“How’s it going with Jade?”_

_“she made me watch old cartoons with her”_

_“She sounds cool.”_

_“why dont you hang out with her then. god.”_

_“Why did you text me if you were just going to bitch at me?”_

You switch your phone off. Fuck him.

A few minutes of staring at the rushing water later, the sound of footsteps on the carpeted steps reaches your ears. Great, people.

It’s that crabby kid you were having way too much fun messing with during the icebreaker. With him is that tall girl who kept chastising him.

He stands across from you, not sitting down. You remember just then the girl’s name is Kanaya.

“Can I help you?” you deadpan.

“You were the one who asked the trans question, weren’t you?”

Your heart sinks. Fuck fuck how the fuck what the fuck.

“No, I wasn’t.” _Stay calm._

“You were next to me, I saw you write it.”

Your fist clenches but you otherwise remain expressionless. “So? That doesn’t mean shit.”

“You’re telling me you’re not trans?”

“And what the fuck would you do if I said I might be?”

You feel like throwing up.

“Just that those shitty RAs don’t know what they’re talking about. You know colleges, they’re always fucking tripping over themselves trying to seem the most politically correct.” He gestures to Kanaya. “Me and Kanaya. We’re both trans. They shit themselves accommodating for us. There’s a program, but it’s off campus. I’m not assuming anything, I’m not telling you what to do or anything. But if you feel like stopping by, here’s the address.”

He hands you a folded piece of paper and leaves with Kanaya.

God. Are you going into shock. Holy shit. That was completely not what you were expecting.

But _fuck_. You’ve barely thought about this.

No, that’s a lie. It’s all you thought about during the past two years. Your high school was probably just about the worst place to be trans, so you never really allowed yourself to act on it.

But holy shit it never felt right. Nothing about you felt right. Something else. Always something else. But you never knew what it was.

Never knew what was wrong with you.

You started, over time, to get an inkling. And when you knew… Well, there wasn’t much you could do. You couldn’t even get a haircut or shop in the boys’ section without being absolutely alienated from everything and everyone.

So you played the part. It never occurred to you that college could be the place where you finally act on these feelings.

Bro’s words ring in your ears.

_Do good and be you._

You unfold the paper and examine the words written on it.

“INCLUDE – a trans-friendly LGBTQIA+ experience – meetings every Wednesday in the Congregational Church basement – 188 English Road – 7 p.m. – snacks and coffee provided!”

You pocket the paper and gaze at the setting sun over the lake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all orientation events taken from my own experience lol. there actually was a girl who could put her feet behind her head when we played that game


End file.
